NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2012.
Warning: some of these may appear to be rubbish.
1. Play cricket with a stratosphere.
2. Embezzle at least four seconds for use later.
3. Interrogate a triode.
4. Dictate Dr Xenon's 23rd epistle to the crying atom of Hornchurch
5. Interrogate a why.
6. Banish Poirot's irritating Pteranodon from your greenhouse.
7. Make light conversation with the seven Terrys of Babcock.
8. Armageddon a fear into hype.
9. Vanquish Pob and his army of Maigrets.
10. Teleport a Gratis Point.
11. Screw the white without causing worldwide condemnation.
11. Reconcile myself with Big Bad Bertha before this gets canonized.
12. Illegally immigrate a harmless anecdote.
13. Imperviate a Sowester.
14. Unilaterally quash Anthony's reputedly inexpungable cryathon.
15. Palpitate a substrata consisting of whinges.
16. Wear severe ties in the realm of Schumacher's Fallacy.
17. Gain prominence as the fervent towncryer of Calgon.
18. Bribe quadrangles left right and centre.
19. Precipitate all measures that could to lead to a peaceful end to
20. Bend the Eternal Whiska to our advantage.
21. Ill time a stupor of Byzantine proportions for kicks.
22. Cannon a pink into the corner pocket of time.
23. Probably a don't.
24. Shower with a fear of dryness.
25. Serenade a gambit and all other species in the frown genus.
26. Grandiose myself into all the various pageants located in the lost
forests of Hurrrr.
27. Smash the letter P. Bully it even.
28. Create 10,000 new musical genres every second, if not less.
29. Indoctrinate a ballbag.
30. Crank up dogs and wine to prewar levels.
31. Engulf the population with propaganda only the Draconian Ants of
Purfleet can appreciate.
32. Erect a large tartan slipper to create comfort for planet earth.
33. Probe Barry intensively on his alleged former life as an Arby sandwich.
34. Embarrass a node.
35. Lock horns with a defiant electron on the topic of Eric Bristow's
evil Buer collection.
36. Conduct a secret ritual to invoke the spirit of the stressbuster.
37. Load Raul, the polychaete Parson's data banks into the central computer
38. Format the local Faustus.
39. Tolerate no further meddling with the timeworn principles of Craig.
40. Prestige a parsec.
41. Deliver all promises on the agenda without upsetting Terry the two
toed terrier of terror.
42. Increase production of Geralds.
43. Incite revolution in the fossil populations.
44. Legislate a clam.
45. Be picketed by a Samosa.
46. Strike a blow at the concept of limitless krikey.
47. Elope with a crag.
48. Take drastic measures to prevent Citizen Kone's
Timesock upsetting any more Joeys.
49. Undertake a Credibility Fugue.
50. Curtail unnecessary blimeys whatever the weather.
51. Circumnavigate Hugh.
52. Chargrill air.
53. Life started tomorrow, deal with it.
54. Pledge allegiance to the eternal curlew at least once every second.
55. Exercise extreme caution when dealing with
anti-gravity Darryls manufactured outside of the 48th prendergast.
56. Smelt Stephan and the other Karnuvian trollops into attractive candelabrums.
57. Consume the sixth Daniel of Coryton without laughing hysterically.
58. Bypass Brian.
59. Create panic in the breezeblocks of Billericay.
60. Win hearts and minds in the race to undermine Cyril's CB collection.
61. Erect a bridge over troubled Garfunkels in every country except
62. Release the tension inherent in the letter W.
63. Reach speeds of up to 6 in excellent conditions.
64. Offer generous briskets of conversation to the most estimable Sheila
65. Cro Magnon a scruple.
66. Set up scrap metal coalition with Grand Funk Railroad.
67. Express deep Daniels.
68. Revel in every bite of a cheese and ham radio sandwich.
69. Enjoy the mistakes I make, especially the ones that kill me.
70. Impeach Brandy the psychopathic spaniel of Thundersley for infringements
of human tights.
71. Bask in the glory of glands.
72. Germinate 9 quangos within Dennis Weaver.
73. Impinge a cringe.
74. Undertake a pilgrimage to the cyrillic barstool of Mexborough.
75. Nurture a passing giblet.
76. Dislocate a plunge.
77. Impress myself upon a figment.
78. Win the U.S open with a Golden Graham and a toothpick.
79. Waltz with a frond.
80. Ingratiate a thorpe.
81. Raise a toast for the victims of Lazenby's
82. Emblazon my seed with triassic mead.
83. Transgress all Parthenons without shedding a weep.
84. Encircle Lord Faber with a jeopardy bojangle.
85. Peer cautiously into the lost annal of Franklin Gynt.
86. Traipse the heavy Fandango.
87. Never underestimate the other guy's underestimation.
88. Schnauser the life out of a Steve Strange.
89. Acquire the gravitas that currently only sandfleas don't possess.
90. Wear my 4D cummerbund in the presence of a tetraphobe, AKA "the
sizzling skittle" manoeuvre.
91. Acquiesce on Geoffrey's Trojan Amoeba plan despite the 98% probability
of it causing a timeflop.
92. Crumple Stu.
93. Initiate the final steps to world peace through the practice of
94. Bombard a Currywurst with platonic radiation.
95. Monopolize a Bee Gee.
96. Baptize steam.
97. Frazzle your local Formby.
98. Detonate Derek.
99. Secure a well located condominium on Tethys for Farley, the rabid
yet introspective ferret.
100. Verb a noun.
101. Chequerboard a cat.